The tale of how Will came to dwell among the mortals of North Carolina is one shrouded in mystery, equal parts myth and conjecture. Some say he plummeted from the heavens like a meteor, while others contend that he has walked the Earth in animal forms since God wore diapers, but it is generally agreed that his current incarnation first came to this astral plane by way of the distant land of southern California towards the latter end of the past century. Supposedly, it was here that he learned to harness the stars’ rays as a divining rod to true aesthetic perfection, as well as to read and write. A decade later, reports place him in the beltway of the nation’s capital, attending middle and high school in Bethesda, Maryland, where he continued his studies and furthered his general mastery of the cosmos. Besides his artistic and intellectual prowess, he is renowned for his proclivity to speak in the third person, erudite vocabulary and exemplary humility.